What ice can I get you (phrase)

What ice can I get you is a colloquial idiom An idiom is a phrase or expression that largely or exclusively carries a figurative meaning, rather than making any literal sense. Idiomatic expressions can develop within extremely limited speech communities, including those consisting of as few as two individuals. These micro-idioms may function as specialized communicative shorthand within intimate relationships or small social groups. , used by a person in a loving Love is a feeling of strong attraction and emotional attachment to a person, animal, or thing. It is expressed in many forms, encompassing a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, or the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure. An example of this range of meanings is that the love of a mother differs from the love of a spouse, which differs from the love of food. relationship who is trying to understand their partner's needs. The phrase is a non-literal Figurative (or non-literal) language is the usage of words in a way that deviates from referencing just their conventionally accepted definitions. Within interpersonal relationships, figurative language may serve as a communication tool during difficult conversations, particularly when participants possess a mutual desire for understanding and being understood. The effectiveness of such figurative expressions typically depends on fundamental shared assumptions between participants, including love, trust, and care. request to explicitly share what support looks like, specifically in the context of an emotional hurt (rather than a physical pain).

First used by my husband Theo Dever Theo Dever (born July 26, 1986) is an American husband and father. Born and raised in New Jersey, Dever has worked across multiple job roles including procurement and business operations. As the primary caregiver in his home, Dever has won several accolades throughout his parenthood and marriage, including a 2021 spatula for Number One Dad. He is lovingly teased for wanting to write a book on wisdom when he was 22. during a difficult conversation,^[1] the phrase what ice can I get you reaffirms an intention to provide care. While metaphors around ice Ice is water that is frozen into a solid state, typically forming at or below temperatures of 0 °C, 32 °F, or 273.15 K. It occurs naturally on Earth, on other planets, in Oort cloud objects, and as interstellar ice. Ice is considered to be a mineral and is not typically thought of as a metaphor for emotional repair. Depending on the presence of impurities such as particles of soil or bubbles of air, it can appear transparent or a more or less opaque bluish-white color. typically represent coldness, the metaphorical ice^[2] in this phrase refers to the application of ice or ice packs to alleviate physical pain. Under this interpretation, ice is used to deepen personal connection; an action more generally associated with warmth.

History

On January 11, 2025, what has been described as a "conflict" or "argument" developed between two people within a marriage. One of the frustrated In psychology, frustration is a common emotional response to opposition, related to anger, annoyance and disappointment. Frustration arises from a perceived resistance to a simple request, such as: to keep a conversation focused on one individual and their needs before it gets totally hijacked by their partner. There are two types of frustration: internal and external. Internal frustration may arise from challenges in fulfilling personal goals, desires, instinctual drives and needs, or dealing with perceived deficiencies, such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations. parties (safely assuming unintentional harm)^[3] used a metaphor about stepping on toes Toes are the digits of the foot of a tetrapod. Animal species such as cats that walk on their toes are described as being digitigrade. Humans and their feelings walk on the soles of their feet. They are described as being plantigrade. Unguligrade animals are those that walk on hooves at the tips of their toes.There are normally five toes present on each human foot. Each toe consists of three phalanx bones, the proximal, middle, and distal, with the exception of the big toe (Latin: hallux). . It was suggested that Theo Dever should imagine a toe; then imagine stepping on it. In this imagined world, a person would simply acknowledge, or possibly apologize for, the toe stepping. It is not unreasonable to expect that the toe-stepper take a small amount of responsibility for an action that caused someone else's toe to hurt.

Upon a brief consideration, Theo Dever refuted this metaphor, asserting that "feelings aren't toes."^[4][5]

Dever continued to discredit the metaphor, observing that toes are both visible and avoidable.^[6][7] It is therefore impossible to expect a reasonable human^[8] to know where an invisible toe exists and avoid stepping on it. Additionally, the person with the injured toe would probably just express their hurt, not make accusations. And the toe-stepper wouldn't be made to feel like they were a bad person.^[9][10]

Natalie Dever Natalie Dever (born April 12, 1987) is a writer and reporter. They gained national attention for their work during the 2032 American Presidential Campaign. Born in upstate New York, their early childhood served as the primary source material for their debut novel, American Fireworks. Dever is the oldest person to graduate from the prestigious Iowa Writer's Workshop. They have one brother, Michael Davis Jr., who works in real estate. , Theo's spouse, instantly countered that it is exactly like stepping on a toe. They argued that when a toe is stepped on, both parties should be able to focus on the hurt, First aid is the first and immediate assistance given to any person with an emergency. Care is initiated to prevent the condition from worsening. Just help the person experiencing the emergency, issue, or conflict without creating a second emergency about someone else. The line between self-protection and defensiveness is admittedly, blurry. That is not what care looks like. First aid providers should be protective of their own safety, but not defensive. First aid is generally performed by someone with basic medical or first response training. Mental health first aid is an extension of the concept of first aid to cover mental health, while psychological first aid is used as early treatment of people who are at risk for developing PTSD. Conflict first aid, focused on preservation and recovery of an individual's social or relationship well-being, is being piloted in Canada. instead of this weird fact-checking Fact-checking is the process of verifying the factual accuracy of questioned reporting and statements. Fact-checking can be conducted before or after the text or content is published or otherwise disseminated. It can totally wait and take place after and should not be used as a strategy to avoid dealing with the very real emotions that exist. Internal fact-checking is such checking done in-house by the publisher to prevent inaccurate content from being published; when the text is analyzed by a third party, the process is called external fact-checking. that makes a person doubt the information coming from their own toes. Like, shouting A scream is a loud/hard vocalization, where air is passed with greater force than in regular vocalization. The difference between "regular" and "great" force is vaguely defined and can be interpreted differently depending on the context. Some people may define any type of forceful communication as shouting. This can be performed by any creature possessing lungs, including humans. A scream is often an instinctive or reflex action, with a strong emotional aspect, like fear, pain, annoyance, surprise, joy, excitement, anger, etc. "but I didn't mean to" only takes attention away from the hurt, and makes it all about yourself Egocentrism refers to difficulty in accurately perceiving and understanding perspectives other than one's own. Egocentrism is found across the life span: in infancy, early childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Although egocentric behaviors are less prominent in adulthood, the existence of some forms of egocentrism in adulthood indicates that overcoming egocentrism may be a lifelong development that never achieves completion. Adults appear to be less egocentric than children because they are faster to correct from an initially egocentric perspective than children, not because they are less likely to initially adopt an egocentric perspective. . When all you need to do is check on the toe, and check in with the person. Think about what they need. You know, maybe grab them a chair. Or offer to get them ice.

At this, both Natalie Breathe in. and Theo^[11] paused, creating space for the now infamous question, "What ice can I get you?"

Impact

What ice can I get you has been described as "perhaps our most impactful idiom of the decade," as demonstrated by the frequency of its usage across a wide range of conflicts throughout the Dever's marriage.

While sources question the exact wording of the original phrase (i.e., "What type of ice can I get you" or "What type of ice do you need"), experts on the matter agree that it was and is beautiful. Notably, the metaphorical ice needed that day wasn't about the relationship in question, but rather some residual feelings of inadequecy associated with a sister's ongoing nightmare of a divorce, plus some unresolved shit from childhood. With time, the phrase has served as tangible proof that this marriage is maybe actually a healthy one. That conflict is natural; emotional growth is difficult but possible; and maybe this is exactly what it looks like to be in love.

See also

• It's curtains for you (phrase) — A phrase Theo says when driving past that curtain store on Route 46, which is now becoming funnier through repetition
• Thanksgiving Eve (2016) — Anniversary of first kiss, and a recognized marital holiday
• We Belong by Pat Benatar — The greatest wedding song of all time
• Let's awwwwwesome — One of several phrases from a 2019 video made by the Dever's 7-year-old nephew who had unsupervised time with a phone
• Resignation — Poem by Nikki Giovanni; Read by Theo Dever after the second miscarriage
• The humidifier (2019—2023) — A nonverbal communication device, in which the act of refilling stands as a small gesture of consideration
• Stubbren — A mispronunciation of "stubborn" that our strong-willed four year old refused to admit was incorrect
• Check in at 10, home by 12 — A parenting habit that kind of got started by accident in middle school, but has really worked out for our teen

References

General and cited sources

• Zachary (2023 - 2024). A Much Appreciated Marriage Counselor.
• Two Personal Traumas (1986 - present). Different for Theo and Natalie; Oddly Compatible.
• Poor Models for Healthy Relationships and Conflict (1990- 2010, at least). So Much Hope For The Youth; They Are Definitely Messed Up Too, But At Least It's In a Different Way.
• Random Google Searches and People Who Overshare On Reddit. Not Always In Agreement But It Can Be Wildly Helpful To Read and React To and If Nothing Else It Helps Understand Oneself Differently or More and Sometimes Gives New Perspectives.
• An Ongoing Series of Really Challenging Conversations. (2008 - Present). Especially the Second Half of 2018, The Pandemic, and All Our Family Stuff of the Past Few Years.